I listen to Anthony Robbins videos ... I have also completed his Strategic Intervention Program to become an Empowerment/Transformation Life Coach. Let me share some thoughts about quality problems versus safe problems, courtesy of Anthony Robbins.
We all have something we are dealing with: bad relationship, toxic boss,
perfectionism, feelings of inadequacy. When we are dealing with certain situations, we have a choice. We always have a choice. We can take action or do nothing. When we fail to take action, it is because of two primary fears:
- Failing - What if I fail? I won't be good enough.
- We won't be loved - If I stand up for myself, he will leave.
A quality problem can involve career change, committing to or leaving a relationship, starting a family, moving, confronting someone, asking for help. It involves taking a "risky" forward-thinking decision that will move you into another stage of life.
A safe problem is a lingering issue that lies within your control: depression (not clinical), procrastination, hesitation, food and other addictions, blaming others for troubles,
avoiding decisions, withdrawing from relationships. Safe problems appear safe because they protect us from our fears. The problem is that when we avoid making decisions, we can become depressed and look to other sources to pick us up, which can cause more damage to our bodies, our spirit and our relationships. When we are unwilling to make a risky decision, what often happens is we develop a safe problem that now distracts us from making a risky decision.
Developing a safe problem can lead to anxiety, depression, loss of confidence, procrastination or lack of inspiration to do what you need to do. This can happen because you feel that your future is blocked and to change it is a risk you are not willing to take. The interesting part is that feeling depressed and uninspired fulfills a need. Take a look at these six basic human needs.
We all have six human needs:
love and connection
When we are experiencing a situation, we need to ask ourselves what needs are being met. The thing is, we don't consciously know when our needs are not being met.
So, subconsciously, we do things to meet our needs. Feeling sad and depressed
will bring us love and attention from people. It can also provide certainty and significance. These are the three top needs that we will do pretty much anything to get; we can become addicted to these three elements.
The problem is that we create a something called the crazy eight. This loop is depression
and sadness which turns into frustration and anger. It is a distraction from
solving the real problem or challenge. Getting unstuck, or getting out of the crazy eight pattern takes massive action. Your quality of life depends on how you deal with your safe problems and your quality problems.
To take steps in creating the life you want, start asking yourself this: what is one of the
biggest problems I am confronting in life? Is it a career problem, financial, relationship, health? Where have I been struggling in the same place for the longest? How is my problem meeting my needs? This can meet your need for variety; it can create obstacles that you need to be creative to fix. Does it spark conflict with others that makes life uncertain?
Does it feel like a big challenge that, when you look at it, has been the same struggle for a long time? Is it a personal struggle? Has it started to define who you are?
This can bring you a feeling of significance. Do you get attention from people in your life? Do you get sympathy? Does it force you to have sympathy for yourself? This can be a means of connection and love.
If your problem meets three or more of your needs, you need to ask yourself
what this problem is costing you. Does it help you give to others, or does it steal attention and emotion from your loved ones? If your problem disappeared, what would be next for you? Who would be happier? Whose life would be changed to see you happy and making progress? Making a decision to deal with a low quality problem is the beginning. Commit to one change a week. Decide on a way that you are going to block yourself from indulging
in that low quality problem and begin to live the life you want!
If you need clarification, because it is rather difficult to fully explain this way, listen to his podcast on Six Human Needs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1SFCLAVjfY It is so worth it!